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Joke of the Day
Send in your best ones -- and don't blame us if these jokes are both poor and stupid.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake."
Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And, he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his f***ing widow."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/28/2006 10:58:00 AM | link
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so".Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/12/2006 03:30:00 PM | link
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Have you heard already the solution to three of the nation's most pressing problems, all taken care of in one initiative?1. Dig a 700-mile moat, 20 feet deep, fifty feet wide, along the Mexican border.
2. Take the dirt from the moat and send it to New Orleans.
3. Take the alligators, now a real hazard, from Florida and put them in the moat.
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/05/2006 10:51:00 AM | link