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Joke of the Day
Send in your best ones -- and don't blame us if these jokes are both poor and stupid.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Beverly was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and quit drinking."Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Bev looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/24/2005 03:22:00 PM | link
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the Ozarks as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there."Name's Zebediah, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Zeb is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too," says Zeb.
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter... Just gonna be the two of us."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/19/2005 08:39:00 AM | link
Monday, October 10, 2005
CHRIS MASSE IS VERY UNHAPPY ...about the way Tradesports mis-handled the creation of markets in the Nobel Prize for economics. I sure hope Chris never gets this mad at me!Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/10/2005 06:05:00 PM | link
President Bush and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one gorgeous blonde."
The guy exclaimed, "A gorgeous blonde? Why kill a gorgeous blonde?"
Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one cares about the 140 million Muslims."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/10/2005 09:29:00 AM | link
Friday, October 07, 2005
Why not replace all female flight attendants with good looking strippers?What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the airlines' alcohol revenues. And Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again hoping to see naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenue.
Why the hell didn't Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/07/2005 02:32:00 PM | link
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Three girls -- a brunette, a redhead and a blonde -- all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and the redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 10/06/2005 09:48:00 AM | link