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Joke of the Day
Send in your best ones -- and don't blame us if these jokes are both poor and stupid.
Friday, July 29, 2005
A man and his dog were walking along a road. Somehow he knew that they were both dead, and that this was the afterlife.After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 7/29/2005 12:37:00 AM | link
Thursday, July 28, 2005
A blonde policewoman pulls over a blonde speeder and asks to see her license? “What’s that?” asks the speeder? “Well,” says the blonde cop, “It’s square and it has a picture of you on it.” So the blonde speeder pulls out her compact, opens it, looks at the mirror and passes it to the cop. She looks into the mirror and says, “You should have told me you were a cop when I pulled you over!”Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 7/28/2005 03:12:00 PM | link
Monday, July 11, 2005
Three very pious Jews dressed in long black coats with beards were playing golf.A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in which he could play. So, he joins the Rabbis and plays 18 holes.
At the end of the 18 holes, his score was 104. The Rabbis had shot 69, 70 and 72.
So, he says to the Rabbis "How come you guys shoot such good golf?"
The lead Rabbi says, "When you lead a religious life, join and attend the right synagogue, you are rewarded."
Mulhany, a true lover of golf, thinks, "What have I got to lose?" He finds a synagogue near his home, converts to Judaism, joins the synagogue, regularly attends services and leads a holy life.
About a year later, he again plays golf with the three Rabbis. He shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70 and 71. He says to them: "OK, I converted, joined a synagogue, live a religious life and I still shoot a 104. What's the deal?"
"What synagogue did you join?" asks the lead Rabbi.
"Beth Shalom" is the reply.
The Rabbi retorted, "Schmuck, that one is for tennis!"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 7/11/2005 03:31:00 PM | link