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Joke of the Day
Send in your best ones -- and don't blame us if these jokes are both poor and stupid.
Monday, November 29, 2004
A tourist in Washington decided to leave his tour group and do a little exploring on his own. He had a great time wandering through various neighborhoods, stopping at some bars for a couple drinks, taking in the local culture.After a bit he found himself in a very high class neighborhood near the White House -- no bars, no restaurants, and worst of all -- no public restrooms. His distress was becoming more acute by the minute. All those drinks had taken a toll. He found a narrow side street and decided the use a wall to solve his problem.
Just as he was unzipping, he was tapped on the shoulder by a Secret Service agent who said, "Beggging your pardon sir, you simply can't do that here."
"I'm very sorry," said the tourist, "but I really, really have to go and I can't find a public restroom."
"Ah yes," said the agent, "please follow me." Whereupon he was led to a back alley and along a wall to a gate. The agent opened the gate and said, "Just go anywhere you like in there."
To his amazement the tourist found himself in the most beautiful garden he'd ever seen -- manicured lawns, statuary, sculptured hedges and flowers everywhere in perfect bloom. Since he had the Secret Service agent's blessing, he urburdened himself on a handy tree and went back out the gate where the agent stood guard. "That was really decent of you, officer," he said. "Is that what you call White House hospitality?"
"No sir," said the Secret Service agent. "It's what we call the French Embassy."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/29/2004 10:56:00 PM | link
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
A penguin is driving across the Great American Southwest when he notices the heat gauge is showing an increase in engine temperature beyond normal operating parameters. Being concerned, as soon as he arrives at the first town he comes to, he pulls into the local garage.The penguin explains his problem to the mechanic on duty who tells him, "I'll take a look at it, check back with me in a little while".
The penguin then goes out to take a walk around the small desert town, wherein he soon comes across an ice cream store. Being a penguin in the desert he feels some ice cold ice cream would hit the spot and orders a large bowl of vanilla ice cream. Of course, being a penguin with no hands, he has to eat the ice cream with his flippers, which produces quite a mess.
He then returns to the garage, and, on entering, the mechanic spots him and informs him, "you blew a seal".
"No, No," responds the penguin," it's vanilla ice cream!"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/24/2004 01:03:00 AM | link
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also -- like any good bartender -- engage in appropriate conversation.A man enters the bar, orders a drink. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "150." And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc. The customer is very impressed and thinks, This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "100." And immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "50." And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Kerry again in 2008?"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/23/2004 09:04:00 AM | link
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/18/2004 11:05:00 AM | link
Thursday, November 11, 2004
One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry"
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/11/2004 01:21:00 PM | link
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Q. Why can't blondes dial 911 emergency calls?A. They can't find the 11 key.
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/10/2004 11:10:00 AM | link
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
John Kerry has conceded the election to President Bush. He did ask that as a provision of the concession that he be allowed to receive a Purple Heart medal for injuries received in the ass whipping.Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 11/09/2004 09:26:00 AM | link