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 The Great Depression and the New Deal Eric Rauchway What I'm listening to:  Langley Schools Music Project What I'm watching:  There Will Be Blood What I'm playing:  Speed Racer Order these from Amazon.com at Amazon's normal low prices... and a fraction of your order goes to help support this site. Thanks!
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Joke of the Day
Send in your best ones -- and don't blame us if these jokes are both poor and stupid.
Friday, February 27, 2004
POLITICS 1. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.--Mark Twain
2. We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
--Winston Churchill
3. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
--George Bernard Shaw
4. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy
5. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
--James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
6. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
--Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J.Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)
7. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
--P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
8. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
--Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
9. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan (1986)
10. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
--Will Rogers
11. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
--P.J. O'Rourke
12.&n! bsp; If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist.
--Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)
13. In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
--Voltaire (1764)
14. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
--Pericles (430 B.C.)
15. No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
--Mark Twain (1866)
16. Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it.
--(Unknown)
17. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
--Ronald Reagan
18. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
--Winston Churchill
19. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
--Mark Twain
20. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
21. There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.
--Mark Twain
22. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-- Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/27/2004 04:07:00 AM | link
Thursday, February 26, 2004
A blonde young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/26/2004 02:27:00 AM | link
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
ANOTHER LIMP DUCK JOKEA woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinarian. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, this duck is dead."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes and left the room, momentarily returning with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returning a few moments later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table, sniffed around. It then sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then he turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"$150!" she cried, "just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but what with the Lab report and the cat scan ......"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/25/2004 10:13:00 PM | link
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
25 SURE SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN UP1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM .
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/24/2004 01:01:00 PM | link
Monday, February 23, 2004
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?""Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/23/2004 12:21:00 PM | link
Friday, February 20, 2004
KIDDIE WEEK 4 A woman was six months pregnant with her third child, and her three year old came into the room when she was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"She replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," the three year old said, but what's growing in your butt?"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/20/2004 03:19:00 AM | link
Thursday, February 19, 2004
KIDDIE WEEK 3 One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/19/2004 03:17:00 AM | link
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
KIDDIE WEEK 2 A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad....""What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/18/2004 03:16:00 AM | link
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
KIDDIE WEEK 1 A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead."How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/17/2004 03:13:00 AM | link
Friday, February 13, 2004
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.Looking up to the heavens, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to! you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/13/2004 09:03:00 AM | link
Thursday, February 12, 2004
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, that might be OK in Massachusetts but we're not having any of that shit in Texas "
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/12/2004 11:37:00 AM | link
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
GEORGE CARLIN STRIKES AGAIN 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me.... they're cramming for their final exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/11/2004 08:52:00 AM | link
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life, until the boat sinks. He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw materials I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat At a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"Wow! This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When she returns, she greets him wearing nothing But vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..."
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean----", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/10/2004 09:05:00 AM | link
Monday, February 09, 2004
"I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a congress."-- John Adams, May 8, 1776
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/09/2004 09:10:00 AM | link
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/07/2004 02:27:00 AM | link
Friday, February 06, 2004
Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Joe, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go. "
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:
"Joe, you're a vet!"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/06/2004 01:50:00 PM | link
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing vacation to Europe. While visiting England, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.He asks how she finds out if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair, puts him on speaker 'phone and asks, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: "Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Hi, Bill, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Clinton hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Gore agrees, and Clinton hangs up.
Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims, "I know the answer! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair!"
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/05/2004 04:52:00 PM | link
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
POWERS OF TEN Not a joke today. Remember the fabulous Eames film Powers of Ten? Here's a sensational online version.Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/04/2004 11:59:00 AM | link
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/03/2004 11:00:00 PM | link
Monday, February 02, 2004
A MORAL QUESTION Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.
You're in New York, New York City, to be exact . . . There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods . . . There are huge masses of water all over you . . You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly you see a woman in the water, she is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer, the woman looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is - it's Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away. . . forever.
You can either save her or you can take the best photo of your life - you can't do both.
And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer)
Would you select Kodak color film (ISO 400), or go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
Posted by Donald L. Luskin at 2/02/2004 08:20:00 AM | link